was reading through my archives.
and lots of emotion was brought back.
the smiles and tears, everything.
suddenly, my heart felt so heavy.
i thought it should be better since i have decided what to do.
yet, it remain the same or even worse.
i dont feel good tonight, really really bad.
unlike yesterday night, it was fantastic.
time alone always make you think alot, isn't it.
in this lonely night, my thoughts start to ponder.
my tears start to flow.
i really hate this.
the more i know, the more harder i feel i could breathe.
i wish i wasn't in this state now.
life is such a bitch.
*edited.
LOOK!
whose back.
HAHAHA.
his welcome greeting for me when he is back.
LOL.
i am freaking bored now.
:(
simei is happily dating with her
fish now.
and i got nothing better to do.
=.=
idk what to say anymore.i just want us to be happy.why do our brain and heart always dont tally.stab heart
i am fucking gonna live happily ever after today.
Olivia Ong - It's Real.lying down,
underneath the stars thinking about the way you looked into my eyes and told me how you feel
i dont know if my heart and mind are singing the same tune need to know
cause within me is a mix of fear, a little thrill
can't believe what i feel is real feelings that's hard to conceal
i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore
you and i
i never thought i'd fall for you
the best thing underneath the twinkling stars
my heart desires to be close to you
so you can take my hand and embrace me now
minimizing all my fears and i know that all my doubts will disappear
there's nothing to conceal
it's real
and i tried, i cant seem to get myself to think of anything but you
i keep falling deeper but it gets sweeter too
everything,
every single thing about you touches my heart in a way
i have never felt like this before, it's real
can't believe what i feel is real
feelings that's hard to conceal
i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore
finally, everything is like getting better, back on track.
do you feel happy? yes, i am you know.
:)
i really dont like school.
like damn it times hundred.
but, i still have to go school.
HAHA.
sweetheart went crazy today!
omg omg omg.
and simei kept scolding me her favourite word
nabei.
because because . . . . . .
HAHA.
i will compensate you one okay, dont sad.
love you many many.
now i have to do my scm assignment.
SUPER SIAN x 1000000.
but, i hope i can finish by thursday.
so i can have my weekend.
:)
bye!
after deciding, i think i still will be blogging over here.
because it is much more user friendly.
hehehehe.
weekend is over so fast!
weekdays always seem so long,
which idk why too.
but, i sure love weekend more.
did nothing much this weekend though.
dbl o on sat with simei as usual.
this time, with weixuan and yicheng as well.
i wouldn't wanna mention what really happen that night.
we all know it ourselves, its enough.
AND I LOST MY EARING!!!
:(((((
i am so weird, i cant sleep after i drink.
home at 5am and slept till 8am.
and i couldn't sleep anymore, its so irritating.
i really need to sit down and start doing my scm.
the moment i think of assignments deadline and common test arriving,
it make me feel totally moodless.
:(
school is starting tomorrow.
boohoo.
i cant wait for my three weeks break before i can enjoy the break.
time, please fly faster.
i will be blogging somewhere else.
goodbye blogger.
:)
sometime i wish i dont have to appear so strong.
when people ask me if i am fine,
i dont always have to say i'm ok, i am alright.
i could have said nope, i ain't fine at all instead.
when people ask are you crying?
i could have said yes i am,
instead of saying i am not.
sometime, i wish i have someone to lean on.
when i am getting all lost and tired.
guiding me and assuring me things will be fine.
so much of sometime.
i know things will never be the same again.
never will it be like last time anymore.
the words we spoke, we said.
seem so harsh and hurtful, maybe at least to me it is.
tonight, i aint fine.
i feel that the sky is falling.
so heavy, that i felt that i cant breath.
the pain is more then what i expected.
actually, the fact is much more.
as usual, i would hold back my tears till when i am alone.
i told myself not to tear not to cry.
but, it seem that they arent listening to me.
they are so naughty, it starting rolling down non stop.
i dont like this.
someone like me that dislike clubbing so much in the past,
get hooked on it and club like every week nowadays.
have you ever wonder why?
because, it is the only time i can stop thinking about all this.
yet, when i am drunk, i kept grumble your name.
idk, why is this happening so.
i really dont know, can you tell me why?
why am i so affected by you?
which i shouldn't be like what they have said.
i really wish i know why too.
i dont wish for anymore,
nor hoping for anymore.
wishes doesn't come true.
i dont know what to say anymore.
i want my weekends.
:(
yes, they are right.
i shouldn't bother so much about this.
i got so much other things to concentrate on.
yes, i've decided.
i am leaving, i am walking off.
out of this situation.
when you think it might be the best for them, you may ended up hurting them.simei, i need you like now.
i need to relax and have some fun man.
:(
sweetheart, i love you many many too.
i miss you so much!
and we are both sick.
hope both of us get well soon.
chase away the flu, cough, headache and fever.
shoooooooo.
i am going to sleep very very soon.
its only like 923pm now.
i want to chop off my nose.
GOOD NIGHT DARLINGS.
i miss the good old days,
when everything was so simple.
pms-ing
thai express.
dbl o. (when the night turns wild.)
prata.
east coast.
mac breakfast.
home sweet home at 9am.
slept for one and half hour and went to work yesterday.
work today too.
i felt like a superwoman, HAHA.
school tomorrow, boring.
assignment and test coming up.
:(
i felt like an idiot now.
because i thought my laptop spolit since yesterday.
then, i just realise my laptop have no batt and the plug came off.
obviously there isnt any power and i couldn't on it.
but, i thought it was spoilt.
and i have been so worried about it for the whole day.
HAHA.
and yea, dont worry.
because it will be fine.
i am praying for you.
:)
simei, remember this anot, you this idiot.
so meannnnnn, HAHAHA.
车里有猪，我不要进去。
sometimes, people don't know how much they mean.it might be the opposite from what they think.because, i am just hiding the feelings to make myself feel better.you will never know.its 1206am already.
time for bed.
GOOD NIGHT LOVES.
<3
nick says,
guys get jealous more easily then girls.
and guys are jealous creatures and they dont like to share.
how true is this?
what's your verdict?
HI, PEOPLE I AM SO HAPPY NOW.
woolalalalala.
:)
this is a very long story.
you guys know my best friend, lijie went china for attachment right.
she is suppose to come back only during jan.
but, due to some reasons, she came back today.
YESSSSSA, today!
so, i went to the airport to fetch her and we went out straight.
DAMN HAPPY CAN.
i started ranting and telling her sooooo much.
like i haven seen her nor talk to her for years.
again, she gave me those kinda roll eyes look.
then, pinch and poke me like nobody's business.
we had pasta for dinner, her favourite.
i bet she misses pasta like crazy when she was in china.
you should look at the way she eat, like some hungry ghosttttt.
HAHAHA.
we started talking again.
and i told her so many things that is happening to my life now.
she told me what happen during at china too.
and i always tell her eikkkk cheena, lol.
and of course,
we took photo together too.
haven seen her face on my blog for a long time right.
TADA.
its us, you know!
so much about sweetheart,
i have got a secret to share with you guys too!
seeeeeeee, i am so good right.
heh.
what i have said above are just LIES.
hurhur.
she is still in china having her attachment.
BUT, I MISS HER SO MUCH.
i bet i am crazy.
imagining myself going out with you and enjoy my day with you.
:(
enough of all this lies, sorry.
i met simei today instead.
to pass her stuff and we went pioneer mall.
we were talking about some things, sheesh.
is only for the both of us to know.
you know such things, heh.i am happy because, tomorrow is thursday.
the day after is fridayyyyyyyy.
SCREAM FRIDAY, heheheheheee.
i love weekend so much.
though i will be working this saturday and sunday.
nevermind, i always love working at taka.
the people there are so fun and nice yo.
oh ya, i decided not to say anything anymore.
because, i felt so silly at times.
some things are better to be kept unsaid.
:)
byeeeeeeeeeeee darling.
many many loves.
<3
HELLOOOOOOOOOO!
i had really nice dinner yesterday with shelly.
ahhhhha.
eh, next time dine there again ok.
but, i scare your feifei scold me.
HAHA.
i think everything is just so right yesterday.
i love the night.
no matter is dinner, shopping or those who texted me last night.
:)
and voon simeimeimei,
you better love me many many!
i told a white lie because i wanna be with you, lol.
heh.
and i wanted to occupied myself so much,
during weekend to make myself busy.
too busy for any thoughts that might let my tears fall.
i ever wonder,
is my blog the first blog you read daily?
i doubt so.
Hi, i am leaving.
:)okay, i totally love hweemin lastest blog post,
if i were a boy.
what you have said is like kinda true?
lastly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEE WEITING.
i hope to see you real soon! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK.
you this evil boy, heh.
much loves <3
i want weekends!
but, school resumes tomorrow.
:(
six people were talking to me in msn just now.
out of six, four kept telling me sian and sad.
which make me feel kinda sian too.
BUT, cheer up people!
SMILE!
though we dont know what's behind the smile,
but please try to.
smile with meeeeeeeeeee!
:)
okay, it sucks.
because i am hoping for next weekend to come faster already.
hehehee.
i see monday blue flying to me and kissing me.
HAHA.
good night darlings.
<3
okayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
hehehee.
i went crazy with simei yesterday.
idk wtf are we doing.
HAHA.
but, i am fine and sober now.
dont worry.
:)
we went to a pub at clarke quay to look for her bro.
and we felt so kiddy over there.
is like a pub for those executives one.
her bro drove us to double o.
the queue was soooo long.
irritating shit, sweat alot you know.
i think we drank quite alot,
and we became really drank.
i guess we did lots of stupid things and utter rubbish.
anyway, we saw joe yee there.
hahaha.
he drove us back home in the morning.
:)
i remember myself kissing simei, omg.
i must be thinking i am in love with her man.
we were in the car, joe yee sitting between me and her.
and we kissed, lol.
damn funny and we started laughing at each other after that.
the only thing i can remember clearly was,
i kept mentioning your name.
and i really miss you.
the only thing we cannot control in life,
is our feelings and emotions.
and how many times,
do our brain and heart tally?
have you ever wonder that?
what do you think?
:)
cheer up, xuan xuan!
is gonna be fineeee.
<3
a bless in disguise.i realise there are so many people that love and care for me.
i think i got really great friends.
love you darlings!
<3
and a photo we took at the airport that day.
it took me half an hour to start my laptop!
this is shitty man.
:(
i keep telling people that i wore blue today,
because i had monday blue!
HAHAHA, lame right.
dinner dinner, how how how?
mum not cooking today.
okay, i just realise some things.
it's a secret.
sheesh.
lesson starting at twelve soon.
boringggggggg.
i cant wait for weekends.
i got no class on friday due to e-learning.
yessa!
BYEEEEEEE LOVES.
:)
we went surin's house!
hahahaha.
its been a long time since we saw her.
we visit her like once a year?
:)
anyway, it was a great time catching up.
so much of gossips lahhhh.
she told us so many things that we din expected.
is like internal affairs of our secondary school.
oh my god.then she was like,
esther, how is ian?
show me ian's photo.
HAHAHA.
then szemin . . . . .
AHEM.
we talk, laugh, crap.
and i can tell she love 4E2 so much.
LOL.
her children are so cute.
especially, her son is so cheeky!
he sure love szemin.
here's a picture of us.
we cabbed home yesterday.
slept for like four hours and woke up at 5 this morning.
dad drove simei and me to airport.
esther left china this morning.
:(
we will miss you many many!
first time, we had breakfast with esther's parent without esther.
hahahaha.
went back home and slept awhile.
i feel so tired yo.
i am gonna bathe and go out soon again.
going sweetheart's house to pass her dad her stuffs.
this girl ai mei dao yao si leh.
HAHAHA.
我昨晚还是跟你说了。alright,
GOOD BYE LOVES.
